Psychopathy, Manipulation, and the Power of Awareness
This post dives into a video interview with Sandra L. Brown, M.A., a leading expert on psychopathy and its impact on our lives. While the video focuses on romantic relationships, her insights hold significant value for our community of parents raising children with Conduct Disorder, particularly concerning manipulation and associated behaviours.
Here are some of the key points and insights from the video:
Psychopathy’s Devastating Impact
Ms. Brown makes a compelling argument that psychopathy is a greater threat than many realise. She states, “Psychopathy is the number 1 public health risk. It’s not STDs it’s not AIDS. It’s people without a conscience… They impact every part of our society, not only relationally, but it impacts our legal system, our criminal system, our social services system… it is a public health crisis.”
Ms. Brown further emphasises the societal impact with a eye-opening statistic: “We did some math, and we came up with 60 million people being harmed by someone else’s pathology and I mean, seriously harmed. If that was a medical disorder like a new type of cancer… there would be a national billboard campaign, their would be money towards funding and research… Psychopathy costs 40 billion dollars a year… and yet we have no public pathology education campaign to teach people how to spot them.”
The lack of awareness and any subsequent research and support services surrounding psychopathy can leave parents feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Understanding the scope of the problem and the potential impact on families can be a crucial first step. By speaking up and sharing our stories, we can advocate for change and hopefully do more to help those impacted by this “public health crisis.”
Recognising the Many Faces of Psychopathy
When people hear the word psychopath, they often think about serial killers, violent criminals, etc. Whereas in reality, the majority of them are seemingly your average person. They’re within our families, workplaces, and social circles. They’re everywhere; hiding in plain sight and causing innumerable damage. However, no one is taught how to recognise this “pathology” as Ms. Brown refers to it, let alone how we can protect ourselves, so the problem continues.
“Dr Robert Hare calls it a disorder of social hiding. Psychopaths are amongst us in our daily lives. We’re not talking about people that are merely in the criminal population. These are white collar executives that walk in every field. Part of the way they continue on is they remain largely undetected. Part of their skillset is their ability to hide well.”
This also highlights the common misconception that psychopathy and violence are synonymous which is not the case in the majority of circumstances and another area of misinformation. Whilst violence is an awful reality for many, for those that aren’t violent, they still can inflict profound damage and acknowledging that abuse is abuse, in all forms is another crucial step when it comes to awareness and providing sufficient supports.
Common Personality Profiles Vulnerable to People with Psychopathy
Ms. Brown’s research sheds light on why some people are more vulnerable than others. The very strengths that make us good people – empathy, tolerance, and a deep investment in our relationships – are the same traits that people with psychopathy target:
“We tested about 75 women who had been in relationships with people in that low conscience spectrum and what we found was were trait elevations and personality traits that were off the Richter Scale… What we found were:
- Elevations in traits like hyper-empathy
- High levels of tolerance
- High-end what we call “relationship investment” meaning that they are highly emotionally invested in their relationships
- High levels of cooperation, trust, and loyalty (giving trust and loyalty despite lack of proof or violations).“
People often hear stories about online scams or manipulative relationships and think, “How could they fall for that? They must be stupid.” But this completely misses the mark. What these findings demonstrate is that manipulation does not reflect a lack of intelligence. In fact, intelligence has nothing to do with it. Those without conscience take our very best personality qualities – our empathy, trust, and desire for deep connection – and exploit them to gain what they want.
A child with Conduct Disorder for example, who may instinctively hone these vulnerabilities, can take advantage of a parent’s unwavering love and support.
The good news is that by knowing about this “personality profile” of vulnerability can help us develop strategies to protect ourselves and our loved ones. More on that at the end of this post.
For now, watch the full interview with Sandra L. Brown here:
A Cocktail of Vulnerability: My Journey with My Son’s Manipulation
So much of what Ms. Brown said resonated with me, especially the section regarding the elevated personality traits. I’ve always been highly empathetic, very forgiving, and deeply invested in my close relationships, particularly with my husband and children. I’ve consistently strived to see the best in people and readily extended the benefit of the doubt. This explains a lot about the dynamic with my son. For years, I felt like his emotional punching bag, doormat, servant, scapegoat (you get the idea). Yet, I allowed this pattern to repeat itself over and over.
When Ms. Brown discussed how the men with psychopathy would choose their targets and used sad stories to test empathy, it struck a chord. It mirrored a specific period when my son started disconnecting more and more as I starting implemented more boundaries. He became very good at grooming others, particularly other mothers (after all he’d be perfecting it on me for years).
While I lack the full details, from the fragments I pieced together, it seems he’d tell stories designed to paint me as a monster and elicit sympathy. These women would then go above and beyond for him. They allowed him to stay at their homes without checking with me, overlooked rules I deemed important, somehow he managed to get one to give him an iPhone (the one I gave him had parental controls on it). Another went as far as to drive him around, buy him food, and even accompanied him as a support person during police meetings regarding his illegal activities.
I attempted to warn one of these women, but instead, faced judgment and harsh words. It was clear she’d already formed an opinion about me without any knowledge of who I truly was. My best guess is this was a combination of a lack of awareness and a testament to my son’s manipulative skills. At that time, I was already struggling with depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts due to the situation. Her judgment on top of everything else was beyond devastating.
While I don’t harbour any ill will now (though it was hard not to at the time), I can’t help but feel sorry for these women. They were manipulated and deceived just like me, simply adding to the growing list of people my son discards once they’ve outlived their usefulness (usually when the cracks in his facade begin to show).
The silver lining I guess is that this experience has undoubtedly made me more guarded (in a healthy way). Not only with my son but also with others in general. I no longer blindly offer the benefit of the doubt or give my trust without any efforts to gain it in the first place. While my empathy remains strong, I’m now more conscious of employing it with a sense of balance and establishing boundaries to protect my own well-being.
I hope this story resonated with you, particularly if you’ve faced similar challenges with a child exhibiting manipulative behaviours. Sharing our experiences is crucial for building a stronger sense of community and raising awareness. This, in turn, empowers us to advocate for change. In the next section, let’s explore how this newfound knowledge can empower us to move forward.
The Power of Knowledge: Building Awareness and Empowering Ourselves
While understanding the manipulative tactics of psychopathy can feel daunting, the knowledge we gain empowers us in remarkable ways. Let’s explore how we can use this newfound awareness to build a brighter future, both for ourselves and for society as a whole.
Building Awareness and Taking Action:
Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to psychopathy. Understanding its widespread impact – the emotional toll on individuals, families, and society – and recognising its diverse presentations, empowers us to take action. Here’s how we can turn awareness into action:
Education:
There are many resources available to learn more about psychopathy and manipulation both on this website and through other online resources, books and so on. Share reliable resources with friends, family members, and even educators in your community. The more we all know, the better equipped everyone will be.
Share Your Story:
Real-Life Stories help other parents feel less alone, understood, and supported. So if you’re willing, we would love it if you can contribute to our community by submitting your story here! You can help dispel stereotypes, foster empathy for those affected, and encourage others to seek help or support if needed.
Support Organisations Working with Psychopathy:
Several organisations work tirelessly to support those impacted by psychopathy, both directly and indirectly. Consider volunteering your time or donating to these worthy causes. Here are a few ways you can get involved:
- Support Our Site and Community: Consider becoming a member of our community! Your membership helps us continue providing valuable resources and fostering a supportive space for those facing the challenges of psychopathy.
- Donate to Psychopathy Is: The Psychopathy Is website is another great resource, and they accept donations to support their mission of education and awareness.
- Volunteer Your Time: Many organisations working with psychopathy can benefit from your time and talents. Look into volunteering opportunities at mental health organisations or support groups in your area.
Empowering Ourselves: Moving Forward with Knowledge
By taking this first step of awareness, we can delve deeper. Here are some ways we can use this knowledge to protect ourselves and our loved ones:
- Recognise Your Strengths: Like Ms. Brown highlights, our empathy, trust, and desire for connection are not weaknesses. They are our strengths! However, it’s important to balance these qualities with healthy boundaries.
- Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They communicate what you will and will not tolerate. Learning to say “no” and enforce consequences can be a powerful tool against manipulation.
- Trust Your Gut: Our intuition is often right. If something feels off about a person or situation, pay attention to those red flags, don’t let your “logic brain” talk you out of it.
Remember, you are not to blame.
Those who manipulate exploit the very best parts of us. By taking these steps, you can empower yourself, create a healthier environment for your loved ones, and contribute to a more informed and compassionate society.
