Legal Considerations

Calling the Police on Your Child: A Guide for Parents

Sarah Steadfast

0

22 Likes

Is calling the police on your child with Conduct Disorder the right thing to do?

Conduct Disorder is a complex mental health condition that can push the boundaries of parenthood in unimaginable ways and there may be times when your authority as a parent just isn’t enough.

While CD can significantly impact your child’s ability to make sound choices, it’s important to remember they can still develop a sense of right and wrong. So, if they’re to have any chance of functioning in society, they need to be accountable for their choices. This accountability extends to their own safety as well as the safety of those around them.

So, this raises the crucial question: When is calling the police on your child justified and necessary?

This blog post will explore that sensitive question and offer practical guidance to help you navigate these difficult situations. You are not alone, and there are steps you can take to prioritise safety and well-being for everyone in your family.

The Difficult Choice: Protection vs. Accountability

The decision to call the police on your child is incredibly hard. It goes against every instinct to protect your child, and it’s natural to worry about the short and long-term consequences.

Social stigma, fear of judgment, and concerns about your child’s future are all valid concerns that weigh heavily on your mind. Will your neighbours judge you? Will you be believed? Will this affect your child’s chances of getting a job later in life? What if they end up in jail?

These are all real questions with no easy answers.

With regard to jail specifically, keep this in mind: While legal consequences can vary by location, what is globally consistent is that when it comes to minors, most governments prioritise alternative programs and interventions before court orders or incarceration. Whenever possible, the primary goal is to keep children safe and supported at home.

If incarceration is considered, it’s because the situation typically involves serious crimes or repeated offenses that pose a significant safety risk to the child, the community, or both.

While incarceration is always a last resort, in exceptional circumstances, it can serve a purpose. These situations often involve a chance for the child to receive intensive rehabilitation and support in a secure environment.

This leads us back to the importance of accountability:

While wanting to protect your child is natural, you also have a responsibility to protect yourself, your other children, and to set clear boundaries for acceptable behaviour. Consider this: Would this behaviour be tolerated outside the home? Would a stranger be allowed to threaten you, damage your property, or hurt you physically? The answer is no.

Sometimes, calling the police is the only way to ensure everyone’s safety and well-being. It’s perfectly normal to wonder if calling the police is the “right” thing to do. This is an incredibly difficult decision, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Ultimately though, whether or not to call the police is a very personal decision. You are the expert on your child and their behaviour. Trust your gut.

If calling the Police on your Child becomes your reality, remember this. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your child or abandoning your role as a parent. It simply means you’re prioritising safety and taking a firm stance against unacceptable behaviour.

The next section will explore situations where police involvement is warranted and how to navigate these challenging moments.

When calling the police on your child becomes necessary

It’s important to understand that involving the police isn’t a replacement for your parenting role. It’s for situations where your child’s behaviour escalates beyond what you can manage on your own and crosses the line into illegality. In these moments, the police play a crucial role in upholding the law and ensuring everyone’s safety.

Here are some specific situations where police involvement might be necessary:

Threats of violence or self-harm: If your child threatens to hurt you, themselves, or anyone else.
Physical violence: Any physical assault on you, your family members, or pets.
Criminal activity: If your child is suspected of stealing, vandalism, or other criminal acts.
Running away: If your child runs away, especially if they are at risk of harm, involve the police to help locate them safely.

In each of these situations, clear communication is key. Calmly and directly explain the consequences of their actions.

Here are some examples:

For threats of violence: “If you continue to threaten me, I will have no choice but to call the police.”
For property damage: “If you break that window, I will be calling the police to report vandalism.”
For running away: “Running away is a serious matter. If you leave without permission, I will need to involve the police to ensure your safety.”

Following through on your warnings is crucial for maintaining your child’s respect for boundaries and demonstrating the seriousness of the situation. If you don’t follow through, your child may not take your future warnings seriously, potentially escalating future situations.

Having a Plan Makes a Difference: Reduce Stress and Ensure Safety

Imagine this: Your child’s behaviour is escalating, and you’re at a tipping point. Your emotions are running high, making it difficult to think clearly.

Having a pre-determined plan in place can be a lifesaver in these high-stress situations. It removes the burden of making split-second decisions in a heightened emotional state and ensures everyone in the family knows how to respond.

Here’s why a plan is so important:

• Reduces stress: Knowing what steps to take removes the anxiety of figuring it out in the moment, allowing you to focus on safety.
• Ensures clear boundaries: A pre-determined list clarifies what behaviour is unacceptable and what the consequences will be. This applies to all members of the family, not just parents or caregivers. Don’t forget about the safety of siblings and pets!
• Promotes consistency: Everyone on the same page means everyone responds consistently. This reinforces expectations and reduces the likelihood of confusion or arguments.

Creating Your Plan:

Sit down with your entire family for a calm discussion. Explain the importance of safety and setting clear boundaries. Work together to create a list of situations where police involvement will be necessary. Here are some examples to get you started:

• Threats of violence or self-harm that you’re unable to de-escalate.
• Criminal activity, drug possession, major theft.
• Running away and is in a vulnerable situation.
• Destruction of property.

Consider keeping the list visible in a common area or even in your child’s room. This serves as a constant reminder of expectations and consequences.

Remember, a plan is a powerful tool. By taking the time to discuss and establish clear boundaries together, you’ll be better equipped to handle difficult situations and ensure everyone’s safety.

To help you navigate these challenging moments, we’ve created a visual guide which you can download below. This infographic outlines the steps involved in creating a Family Action Plan, empowering you to respond calmly and effectively when your child’s behaviour escalates.

Why Police Records Matter

Having official reports documenting incidents involving your child can be extremely valuable in the long run. Even if it doesn’t stop the behaviour, whilst incredibly frustrating, consistent police involvement can still be beneficial. Here’s why:

1. Protection for You and Your Family: Police reports create a legal record of the events. This documented history can be crucial evidence if you need to protect yourself or your other children from your child’s behaviour in the future. It can also demonstrate your proactive efforts to address the situation and prioritise safety, potentially benefiting you in interactions with Child Protective Services (CPS) if they become involved.
2. Evidence for Future Interventions: Documented police interactions can be helpful for court appearances or future interventions. Having a clear record from law enforcement demonstrates the severity and frequency of the behaviour, supporting the need for additional support.
3. Establishing Boundaries and Consequences: Repeated police intervention sends a clear message that there are consequences for violating the law and disrespecting others’ rights, even within the family. While your child might resist these boundaries, consistent enforcement can help them learn this important lesson.
4. Early Intervention for Long-Term Change: It’s far better for your child to face consequences now, in a controlled environment, than later as an adult when the repercussions could be much harsher. Police involvement can be a wake-up call, prompting them to understand the seriousness of their actions and potentially motivating them to seek help.

Remember, calling the police is a difficult decision, but it can be the right step to take for your child’s long-term well-being and the safety of your entire family.

Taking care of yourself after calling the police on your child

Facing Uninformed Opinions & Practicing Self-Care

After calling the police on your child, you might encounter uninformed opinions or judgment from others. Comments like “you need better parenting skills” or “stronger discipline” can be hurtful and discouraging. Remember though: These comments stem from a lack of understanding, not a reflection of your parenting abilities.

You are making incredibly tough choices in an incredibly difficult situation. Here’s what truly matters:

Prioritising Safety: Your top priority is the safety of everyone in your family, including your child with CD. Calling the police, when necessary, is a courageous and responsible act that demonstrates your commitment to well-being.
Seeking Solutions: The fact that you’re reading this blog post is a testament to your dedication to finding the best path forward for your child and your family.
Compassion for Yourself: Calling the police on your child is an incredibly difficult and emotionally charged experience. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even ashamed. In the aftermath, it’s crucial to prioritise your well-being.

Here are some self-care tips to help you cope:

• Be kind to yourself: Raising a child with Conduct Disorder is emotionally demanding. Take care of your well-being so you can continue to be a strong advocate for your family.
• Reach out for support: Don’t bottle up your emotions. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group. Sharing your experience can be cathartic and help you feel less alone.
• Practice relaxation techniques: Deep breathing exercises, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help manage stress and anxiety.
• Seek professional guidance: If you’re struggling to cope, consider talking to a therapist specialising in family dynamics or trauma.
• Explore our self-care resources: Take a look at our other self-care posts and resources available on our website. We offer a variety of articles and tools to support parents like you who are navigating the complexities of raising a child with Conduct Disorder.

Remember, you are not alone and you’re doing the best you can in a challenging situation. There are people who care about you and want to help. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to care for your child and your family.

AboutSarah Steadfast

As a parent of a child with Conduct Disorder, I understand the daily challenges parents face as I've walked the same path. My passion for learning and personal growth fuels my mission of cultivating a safe & supportive environment where parents can discover understanding, support, and practical guidance.